In this letter, Screwtape explains how Wormwood can use the selfless acts of Love that man displays in early courtship to become a source of conflict in later yrs. This conflict originates from the different ways that men and women define unselfishness.
How does a woman define unselfishness? (Doing for others)
How does a man define unselfishness? (not giving others trouble).
How can these 2 definitions create conflict? (if a man does not do something for someone in a time of need, the woman will perceive it as his being selfish. If a woman does something for someone in need, the man will see it not as an act of charity but as being interfering).
How can doing an act of charity for someone cause bad feelings? (The one who receives the act will feel indebted to the person who helped them).
What is the Generous Conflict Illusion? (this often occurs in families. One person will state his desire. Another person will state that while he doesn't really want to do what the other person wants to do, he will do it out of unselfishness. This results in everyone refusing to do what was originally planned so that no one will have to be unselfish). This I've found is especially useful in vacation planning! Happens every yr at our house.
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